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I'm Just a Girl

ventings from a simple girl in a complicated world

There's a Season (and reason) For Everything...

January 20, 2011

My sigh of relief came when Nick and I finally said our goodbyes. If you can't be a mature adult and have a relationship (strictly friends), then what's the point in talking and holding on to feelings that shouldn't be there anyways? I was all up for staying in contact with him, but let's face it...the maturity is not there on his end. I'm not judging, just stating the obvious. Don't get mad at me and tell me I'm giving you lip service when you're messing around with a married woman and also taking an interest in a good friend of yours. Are you serious? I'm finally in a stable and healthy relationship with no regrets of letting him go back in March of 2010. But anyways, that's not what I'm here to write about...

With the lovely change of weather, cold and rainy, I had developed a wonderful sinus infection. Coughing, sneezing, congestion, you name it...I had it. Never in my life though have my previous boyfriends ever taken care of me like Glen did that day. I'm talking bringing me chicken soup in bed, medicine, fluids, anything to help get me better. Not only did he do that, but he managed to go grocery shopping for me as well and carried every single bag upstairs by himself. Sweet right? I got lucky on this one I gotta say. It's nice to finally have a guy that's attentitive to my needs and not just the opposite way around. Have I been looking for something like this? Damn betcha....

All my love,

Ashley*

"How Did I Get Here?"

December 30, 2010

It's been since July since I last wrote in here and sooooo much has happened. All good I can say! Let me bring you up to speed (not that anyone still reads this, but whatever LOL)...

1. I am now a full-time employee at the credit union as of August

2. I got my own apartment, FINALLY and it's beautiful :) Crown molding, a huge garden tub, spacious balcony, you name it...

3. I got a dog! A boston terrier to be exact and she's the most precious thing ever (when she isn't peeing on the floor and using me as a chew toy). Four months old and I call her my boston "terror"

4. I have a boyfriend!

Needless to say 2010 has been an amazing year. The start of it was not so hot, but things quickly turned around as I had wanted them to. I was sitting in my apartment one evening having dinner with the boyfriend, the dog begging for food as usual and I start thinking to myself...how in the world did I get here? I'm sitting in my own cute little place, amazing guy sitting next to me who just fixed us dinner, I have the cutest dog staring up at me and wising I would drop just one piece of food. A year ago I was less than enthusiastic about where I was. Nick and I were living in a shoebox of an apartment, my Grandmother had just passed away, his former father figure was just murdered, Nick had lost his job, I was out of work until December and I was definitely not my usual happy self. So to reflect on where I was a year ago at that time kind of threw me for a loop when things had completely done a 180 in my life. It's one of those moments that hit you and make you think "holy shit, I'm incredibly lucky to be here at this moment in time, things were so completely different a year ago." I almost had to stop myself from tearing up a little, not gonna lie.

Anyways, I'm happy to say that I am no longer single. My goal was to be single and alone for a year, that would have put me at March 2011. Why you ask? To prove to myself that I could be just fine being alone and that I didn't need anyone. Well despite the fact that I didn't follow through on my own personal goal, I know for a fact that I was perfectly fine with just me, myself and I. In October, I had put myself on plentyoffish.com just for the hell of it. My co-worker had been on this site for a while now so I figured I would give it a shot. I had hits and views on my profile, guys would write me and I had conversed with only a handful of them. I was interested in this guy that was in the army but when we just started talking he was having to leave for two weeks. I figured if it was meant to be I'd be hearing from him in two weeks (if I was still single, at this point I figured it was 100% likely). I had met up with this guy (more like kid) who was I think 21 or 22? He was sweet but too short and too skinny for my liking. I mean he was just starting to experience the world, real sweet kid, but obviously only interested in getting a piece of ass. As much as I hate to admit this I hadn't had sex in about two months and was going absolutely nuts so we ended up sleeping together anyways. It happened one more time before meeting Glen about a week later. I received a message in my inbox saying "cool dog". HA! How cute is that? I saw his profile and noticed that he was not only an Aries but had a birthday one day before mine, how awesome!!! Hmmm...dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, just moved here from Ft. Worth, one son and so on and so forth. I immediately wrote him back because he was already awesome in my book and gained cool points for liking my pooch :)

Here's where the story begins. I picked him up for our first date. No I'm not the traditional type of girl. I figured he had good reason as to why he had no transportation. The story unfolded that he ended up selling his motorcycle and his suburban so that he could go to school to learn how to work on motorcycles (his graduation pictures say it all). Ok awesome, he's been to school and graduated and does in fact have a job. We're already two plus points than the last boyfriend. Since he had just moved to Austin from Ft. Worth I figured I would give him a little adventure. I drove him to the South Congress bridge where we watched the bats fly out for the evening. I was already at ease with this guy, he made me laugh (like that deep in the belly kind of laugh), the chemistry was incredible, the kisses were amazing, the hugs were perfect, it was an awesome start to the evening. I drove him down to South Congress and noticed that First Thursday was going on, the traffic was ungodly as usual so I decided not to park anywhere. I figured I didn't want the evening to end there so I drove us to Mt. Bonnell. I already warned him that it was quite a climb, but completely worth it when he would see the view from up top. As soon as we reached level ground it was over. The "oh my gods" came out and the excitement was definitely apparent. We had found a look-out point that we kept to ourselves. The occasional couple would walk by but there was still no disturbing us. The kisses got deeper as well as the grabbing and touching, this boy was driving me crazy. "Trouble" seemed to be in my vocabulary for the evening because that's exactly what he was, trouble. I couldn't believe how absolutely amazing this evening was going and how well we clicked with each other. After spending what was probably two hours up on the mountain we decided to go to Starbucks for a couple of coffees and some dessert. He ordered something sweet to eat to go with our coffee and ended up feeding it to me (as corny as this sounds, I loved every second of it). I already had it in my mind that I would not sleep with this guy. In past experiences I was basically left high and dry and only hurt in the end if a one night stand ended up happening. I told him that I REALLY liked him and wanted to go further with it and that sleeping with him was definitely not an option. We ended up making out on the couch, watching a movie was the original idea but we all know that wasn't going to happen. I ended up stradling him on the couch and to my amazement he had already whipped it out. It was sneaky but I didn't feel it until I actually sat down on him and grinding on him even harder. I was shocked and told him that I didn't want to have sex. A warning was already given to him that I didn't want to get hurt and that in past experiences this is exactly what has happened. If you know anything about an Aries personality, we are stubborn and don't take no for an answer. I think we looked into each other's eyes pretty deeply for at least thirty seconds before we established that neither of us were going to go anywhere. The sex was amazing and he was definitely not selfish. Two days later he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and there was no hesitation whatsoever. I was ecstatic! So far it's only been about two months but in this short amount of time I've met his mom, his son, his cousins, aunt and uncle and other family members. We spent time away from each other during Christmas due to seeing each other's family for the holidays. He told me he missed me like mad crazy during this time and I told him the feeling was definitely mutual.

So here I am! This is the happiest I've been in a long time and so very grateful for the things that God has bestowed upon me. I only wish my Grandmother was still here to see the progress I've made, but deep down I think she already knows somehow. I'm excited to see what 2011 holds for me, my family and friends. Whoever comes upon this site, I wish you the very best for a Happy New Year as well! I only hope I can keep up with this blog more. Stay posted for more entries to come :)

 

All my love,

Ashley*

 

The Power of Goodbye...

July 03, 2010

Well, it's not just another Madonna song but a good lesson learned I guess. As of mid-March I have been single and most of the time loving it. I was with someone for 3 years who I was best friends with. The relationship for the most part was great, the chemistry, the sex, we had so many things in common. But it was beginning to wear on my nerves that I was the only one willing to work and get the bills paid. This of course made things a lot more difficult.

Here lately I've been pretty down. He has since moved back to Austin and left yet again. I realize that after only 5 months of us not being together that I'm not going to be over him, but I've gotta say...this sucks. Do I regret my decision? Absolutely not. But a person starts to jog their memory and think back on all of the good times. It's hard and I hate it. I only wish that I could have parts of my memory erased like in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Things would be a hell of a lot easier. At times I think I'm strong and others I really just wanna curl up in a ball and cry my little heart out.

I know that if it wasn't for my faith, things would be a lot harder to get through - there's no doubt about it. God has someone in mind for me and I know that when I meet him he's going to blow me away. I'll be able to appreciate the wonderful things about this person. At the same time, I'd love to have my ex back if he actually got his shit together. We clicked on so many levels, it just sucks that he was horrible about being financially responsible. Who knows, we'll see what the future holds for me...

xoxo,

Ashley

Feels so GOOD to be so BAD...

March 14, 2010

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up at a male strip club last night. Not saying that I've never wanted to see a bunch of half naked men, but the thought never occured to really go. Well, the opportunity come up last night at my friend's Bridal Shower. Actually, kind of a last minute idea, we were originally supposed to be going for some karaoke. Who knew we would end up at La Bare!

There were a total of 7 of us that went and 5 of us were all virgins to the male strip club. It was funny for the first couple of hours to be honest. Seeing a bunch of crazy ass women just throwing themselves at these guys and literally throwing cash up in the air was enough to make me sit there and shake my head and smile. I think if I would have had a LOT more to drink it would have been dangerous. However, after getting up the guts, I ended up unbuttoning my shirt, tucking a couple of dollar bills into my bra and just going for it. I mean DAMN...these guys were hot! And not just hot, but hot and sweaty. I couldn't help myself. To have some hot ass guy pressing himself all over you, grabbing your boobs, sticking his face inbetween your boobs was too much too resist. YUM! So I got to be played with by the two cowboys that were there (pictures below). My favorite of course =)

I don't know if it's just me but there's something so erotic about all of it. Just having some one on one time with these guys. Getting to touch their body, get kissed on, squeezed and touched, smelling their hair (oh god) and just feeling like you are the only one that they are doing this to is just amazing. I'm not the skanky hoe type, I'm more of the deep sexual connection type and that's the only way I can explain it. Some of these girls you could tell would love to have just a quick bang with these guys but not me. I guess it's a matter of these guys giving me the attention and making me feel sexy. Something that I've missed to be truthful.

Nonetheless it was a blast and definitely something I will NEVER forget. My friend (bride to be) had so much fun and that's all that mattered. I think all women should do it at least ONCE just to experience it, even for the fun of it ;-)

If you can't drive safe and smart, don't drive at all...

March 12, 2010

Please tell me why drivers don't feel the need to use their turn signal? I mean really. That little stick on the side of your steering wheel is not there to be fucking pretty, it's there to serve a safe and smart purpose!! Use the damn thing, please.

And someone please answer me this...why do people feel like they are entitled to cut me off and dodge in and out of traffic? Hmm? Who deemed you to be "king of the road'? This guy completely cuts me off today on the flyover and could have almost caused an accident. Oh but wait, here's the funny part...he actually used his turn signal. Wait wait wait, I'm sorry, but when you fucking cut me off, your damn turn signal DOESN'T COUNT!! I'm sorry. And to add to his brownie points he was from out of state. Mister, if you are from upstate New York, or wherever they drive like assholes, you may want to look around. You are in Austin!! If you wanna drive like a dick I suggest you take your ass back to where you came from!!

For all of you women out there as well...please pull your head out of your ass and stop acting stupid on the road as well as in the parking lot. I'm heading to Thundercloud in hopes to enjoy my delicious California Club but am too pissed off to stand in line. Lady, when you are waiting to turn to get into a parking space, PLEASE tell the driver behind you (me in this case) that you are turning so you are not only holding me up, but everyone behind me as well.

Holy lord, it's only 1:17 in the afternoon and I'm already pissed off at people. Thank GOD it's Friday.

This is me...take it or leave it

March 11, 2010

Being that this is my first blog post, I'm going to start out with a bang...

As the years progress I'm starting to wonder where our morals and values have gone. Where in the past century did we decide that females were going to become bitches and sluts and men were going to become assholes and man whores? I mean is there nothing innocent and virtuous anymore? It's so sad and scary to say the least. A friend who is ten years my senior cannot find a man that is decent. Honestly, and I'm not saying this because I AM her friend, but if I was a guy I would have snagged her in a heartbeat. Is it such a bad thing that a woman speaks her mind, tells it like it is, is upfront and honest, but yet at the same time wants the fairy tale? Why can this not be achieved?

So this is me, take it or leave it. I'm an only child who is spoiled yet appreciative of the things she has, I've worked VERY hard for what I have (nothing has been handed to me). I am not a high-maintenance woman by any means and don't plan on EVER being one. The simple things in life are what I appreciate...walking through a park, sitting on a swing and talking, getting caught in the rain, I don't ask for much. Most men say that women are complicated, I've heard it over and over again. I don't think of myself as being complicated, I try to say what is on my mind and get it out there without it turning into some damn rubiks cube. Whoever I'm with I tend to spoil, I'm attentitive to their needs, I'm thoughtful and considerate. This not only applies to my significant other but my friends and family as well. I think the small things in life can add up!! I hold the door for people, I say "bless you" when someone sneezes, I say "thank you" and "you're welcome" when appropriate, just the common courtesies of everyday life that most people seem to have forgotten. Ok so my driving skills are not the best, I'll be the first to admit. But how hard is it to use your turn signal and obey the rules of the road? As for my appearance I manage to take care of myself. No I'm not a size 2 and will never look like a damn model. I'm okay with that!! I love my curves and I know someone else out there will appreciate them as well. I fix my hair, put on makeup and make myself presentable...not just for the opposite sex but in general. I'm affectionate, I have the sex-drive of a male and I'm able to show my feelings easily. I'm passionate about almost EVERYTHING whether it be music, art, movies, food, my relationships, I feel things deeply. I could go on and on, but I'll save that for another blog.

It's inevitable though, I am a woman and I want the fairy tale. I deserve it. Is it so hard to ask? I mean I'm obviously not going to have the PERFECT man, because all humans are imperfect. I know that I've got to be realistic. But I can guarantee you that I am worth having! Yes I may be a little sensitive at times but would you rather have an insensitive woman? I mean honestly. Sometimes I tend to read into things, but I cannot help it and will quickly admit that I do. It's subconscience, I promise you. The typical qualities of a woman will not go away, so don't expect them too!! This applies to us woman as well, we cannot expect men to be just like women...it's literally impossible. What we can do is try to understand men's way of thinking and vice versa. If we actually took the time to do this we would all be much better off!

So that is me in a nutshell. If you don't like it, then fuck off. Take it or leave it. Don't try to mold me or shape me to your liking...